Spring Garden Sensory Bin

Spring is finally in sight! It's just around the corner, so I thought I would kick od the season with a simple, but pretty, spring garden sensory bin...

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There's Something I Need To Say...

So...I'm going to say it, except its actually really hard to say. Or even type. Because I am scared of being judged. Scared that someone will tell me to pull myself together. Scared because people will tell me I should go to see a doctor, I am scared because I know there is something wrong. I know that I shouldn't be living my life feeling like a blur, feeling like I am living my life on the sidelines, just going through the motions of the day to day, just making it through alive with nothing to be excited about nothing that has made me smile...

Because I have 4 adorable monsters, whom I love dearly. But even when I think of them, I think of the negatives. Ellie and her pre-teen attitude. Jenson and him finding his self in the order of the house, meaning he is constantly pushing boundaries. Elsie and Evie who are desperate for me to be there not just in the room with them.

Do they know that I live in fear of the next 'kick off'? That my stomach is constantly in twists. That my hands are constantly shaking waiting...getting ready for the next thing they are going to start an argument or fight about. Do they see that I am so worried about what will become the next stress in my life that it gives me headaches? Headaches so bad that they blur my vision?

I wonder if the people I see every day, friends, family, teachers, have noticed? Have they noticed I know longer give a sh*t? Have they noticed I no longer care? Have they noticed that I don't take care of myself anymore? Have they noticed my up and down eating habits? Do they notice the bags under my eyes? Do they even know I exist?

Have my neighbours heard me? Thinking 'God all she does is shout!'. Do they notice that everything irritates me? To they know the sound of my own voice grates on me? Do they hear me crying through the walls at night? Do they hear me sobbing in the bathroom at lunchtime? 

Have the people who follow my Instagram noticed that my photos are negative and few and far between because I feel like I have nothing positive to show? Have the people that watch us on You Tube noticed that we haven't filmed much lately? Did they see the state of me in my last 'to camera' piece? Did they see the fake happiness as I tried to sound perky and upbeat? Did they notice that my hair was matted and uncared for?

One friend noticed. 

One friend  reached out. 

She told me she was worried. She could see herself in me. She had been 'here' ever so recently.

She told me what I already know. 

I need to go to the doctor.

I need to go and speak to someone. 

I need to not be worried about been judged. 

Apparently its not as bad as I fear. 

The doctors WONT judge. 

They will help. 

They will help me find my happiness again. They will help it all become less of a blur. They will help the brightness come back.

So for now I know there is brightness there, somewhere, but its a long way away.

First I need to take those first few steps.

The steps to saying the words.

The steps to picking up the phone.

The steps to asking for help.

The steps for admitting I am somewhat struggling. 

First I need to make THAT big first step.

The step where I say it out loud.

The part I am trying to avoid, even though I am sat here alone. 

It's just me and my laptop. 

There is no one to judge, at least not until I choose to hit publish.

So why is it so hard to say those few words. You all know what I mean, why can't I just say it...

It is the begining of February as I type this post, I wonder if I will ever click publish...

In fact, I wonder if I will ever finish writing this post. 

February 25th...

I'm suffering from depression 

And I think anxiety too. 

I think I need help.


I said it.

Rainbow Shower Gel Sensory Play and Process Art

I was wandering around the house trying to find some thing for a rainbow themed afterschool activity, when I reachd the bathroom and the wonderful array of coloured soaps and shower gels we have! I decided they would be great on top of some wallpaper lining paper to swish and swirl and mix colours together...

Colours Colours Everywhere Book Review

As you know we love books so when Little Tiger got in touch and asked if we would like to review the new 'Colours Colors Everywhere' I thought it would be the perfect book for 2 year old Elsie, who is currently obsessed with  anything 'blue like Daddy car'...

#ToddlerApprovedTuesday #66

Welcome to #ToddlerApprovedTuesday the weekly linky to share all those things your little ones (0-5) have loved! 

Rainbow Sensory Bin.

You will have noticed that I have been making up a lot of sensory bins lately, this is because a) the monsters love them and b) they are so easy to put together and are something different to play with.  This week we are focusing on rainbows, first we read Colours Colours Everywhere and then played a quick scavenger hunt together, which is how we put this rainbow sensory bin together.

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Family Meal Plan #13

It has been so long since we last did a meal plan, It was about time we got back on it and started saving some money so I searched the freezer and the cupboards for some inspiration...

Twirlywoos Comic Review

I don't know about your house but here we love the Twirlywoos. It's one of the only things I can watch on CBeebies without muttering under my breath as we watch! We were recently asked if we would like to check out the new comic, I knew it would be something the monsters would love...

Homemade Fajita Spiced Tortilla Chips | Cooking With Kids

Now, my monsters are not fussy about what they eat, but every now and again they have a day where they don't really want anything apart from junk! On those kind of days I alway's find that it help to offer a food that can be popped on the coffee table for them to nibble on, one of the foods they love is these homemade tortilla chips, along with some of their favourite dips. 

5 Ideas For...Recipes Using Marshmallows

We love marshmallows in this house! Whether they be huge ones, mini ones, topping on hot chocolate or dipped in melted chocolate we go through a lotta marshmallows! I've been searching for recipes to get a little more creative with our marshmallow eating and so here are my favourite 5 recipes using marshmallows...

Cat In The Hat Inspired 'CVC Word' Discovery Bottles

Jenson is obsessed with rhyming words, his favourite, ie: the ones he repeats all the time include words that rhyme with bank (yep that includes the w-word) and sock (and yep that includes the c-word), I don't stop him because he also says words like 'yock' and 'cank' he doesn't know the 'bad words' he keeps saying are swear words he is just making up words so for now I leave him to it, anyway back to it...I had already made some discovery bottle's for Elsie so decided to add some CVC words to them for Jenson to discover....

#ToddlerApprovedTuesday #65

Thanks to everyone who linked up last week, and thanks to everyone who shared the linky love and went commenting on everyone's posts! Also, as we have had a couple of newbies I will take this opportunity to mention our Facebook group...I have neglected it recently but I will be back as I seem to have got my mojo back (at least for now anyways!)

Cat In The Hat Pom Pom Sensory Bin

The monsters are currently CRAZY about The Cat In The Hat, we watch the movie every day...sometimes twice! So I thought for half term week we would have some Cat In The Hat fun! I've planned something for every day including this easy to put together sensory bin...

5 Under £5 - February.

It's no secret I love a bargain! So when I came across Rainbeaubelle's 5 Under £5 linky I just had to join in! I have found so many bargains lately, it was hard to choose my favourite's...

DIY Easter Bunny Milk Bottle's #BostikBloggers

I know right now everyone is thinking about Valentines Day but we have been thinking a little further ahead to Easter (which can I add is just 6 weekends away!) and as the kids love the seasonal drink bottles in the shops but as they can be quite expensive, the ones they have seen are £4 each, I thought I would make some of my own for them for half the price...

5 Ideas For...Last Minute Valentines Day Baking

It's not long now until Valentine day and I bet some of you have forgotten! Maybe you have made a pact that you are going to make something homemade? Why not get your bake on and try one of these 5 Valentines inspired recipes...

No Bake Individual S'mores Pie's | Cooking With Kids

Currently, the monsters are obsessed with marshmallows and so I have been trying out some recipes that use marshmallows that we can make together...

** Can I apologise for the photo quality, I was quickly losing natural light and our lights, well you will see!** 

Valentines Creation Station.

Each week I have started filling a chip and dip tray with some creative 'ingredients' and left it out on the table for the monsters to get creative this week we have a Valentines Creation Station where they can make cards, decorate hearts, write love notes or anything else they fancy...

#ToddlerApprovedTuesday #64

First up HUGE HUGE apologies for last week...what a nightmare! Fingers crossed this week goes better!

Valentines Chocolate and Candy Popsicles

Taking inspiration (OK copying) from our Christmas Candy Cane Chocolate Lollies we used up the last of our candy canes to make these super sweet and very cute white chocolate Valentines Candy Heart Popsicles...

Valentines Day Themed Sensory Bin

We love sensory bins and this is possibly one of my favourites! With just a few items we found in the pound shop and discount shops we have a really cute sensory bin less than £5!

#ToddlerApprovedTuesday #63

There were some really great link ups last week, thank you so much to everyone who joined us.