As you are all probably more than aware if you have a 3 or 4 year old or know someone who has a 3 or 4 year old, for us Mummy's and Daddy's of said 3 and 4 year old's (sorry that's the last time I will say that!) the wait was over, the results in...would we get 1st choice of school? Or would our hearts sink at 2nd or maybe we would sob over 3rd choice. I've written this with Jenson in mind...
1st Photo..May 2011
To Jenson, my boy, my beautiful boy, sorry I shall correct myself before you do...my COOL DUDE!
It's taken me a while to write this, I started on Thursday night, I'm hitting publish on...Saturday morning. I got very emotional when I was writing this, which should help you see that every word is meant...
I waited up all night too find out. To see if we got 1st choice, it wouldn't have mattered which school we got we are lucky enough to have 3 pretty great school's close by but 1st choice would make life a lot easier with Evie's pre-school and Ellie's school (right next door to our 1st choice).
We were one of the lucky ones, we got 1st choice.
But yet at 1am on that Thursday morning I laid in bed sobbing, big fat tears had soaked my pillow. Made my face sore from crying so much.
You see, as lots of Mummy's and Daddy's will be saying, the time has flown...but in your (almost) 4 years 2 other babies, your little sisters, have made their way in to our life and sometimes I feel like I maybe haven't given you enough time. That the babies whom needed more attention got it whilst you were left to play.
Then you became a big brother...twice!
I feel bad that as the 'eldest' of the little ones it was you who I sent to a childminder so I could spend more time with a baby Evie, OK it was only a few short months but still I hope when you grow up you don't think I love you any less. I adore you my darling, no words will ever be enough to describe the amount I love you and your big sister, you and your little sisters.
The teachers at preschool say you are so knowledgeable, like no one they have ever known, this should make me feel like I have done a good job bringing you up at home rather than in a nursery, but instead I panic, do they think I have shared too much info with you? Have I made you grow up to quickly?
So lets make a deal...If the
years, months erm OK, OK the weeks promise to slow down, just a little, I promise that I will make time for you. (and for your big sister) I promise that at least once during a week I will make time that's just for you. I will make time that is just for Ellie...that I will make time for all of you one by one to just be with Mummy.
I promise to stop and look at that picture you have drawn, to stop and look at the tower you have build. To stop and stand back and just watch you be. Instead of being so busy with something else all the time that I am forgetting to appreciate you. Instead of automatically shouting at you instead of jut stopping to see what it is your trying to achieve.
Because Jenson, my boy, I do appreciate you, every little bit of you. Your kindess, the way you squeeze me before you run of to play with your friends, the way you kiss your sisters goodbye and how you greet us all with a hug when we pick you up. I appreciate the way you play, galloping down the street managing to be a cowboy AND the horse (who says males cant do more than 1 thing at a time!).
I snuggled you the other day, after I had spend the morning shouting and moaning at you, and then I ended up sobbing in the kitchen...you begged me to come out of the kitchen pleading your forgiveness. Then we sat snuggling and you apologised for been 'such a naughty boy' but it should be me apologising. You arent a naughty boy. Your just a 3 year old. Your just a child. Your just being a 3 year old who's 2 year old best friend (Evie) wants the same toy you want....so you go about it the way you know gets results..to scream and snatch and argue until you get what you want.
So my darling lets end this letter here, with me promising to be a better Mummy than I have been, promising to be a bit more fun than stressy because my gorgeous I love you and remember....