Lets Beat The Mummy Wars!!

I was browsing Twitter the other day looking for posts to read and I came across Katy's (What Katy Said) Whats Your Parenting Style? before I read this post I had never heard of the Conneticut Working Mums or their Campaign for Judgment-Free Mother Hood


The mums set up the campaign to get Mums to show support and encouragement rather than judging the parenting decisions other mums make. 

Everyday we make choices...everyday we make choices that people might not like. I like meat, bear with me here, I'm making a point...I love chicken and my current obsession is pepperoni. I have no shame in telling you all that. None at all. 

So why do I find it so hard to tell you the choices I have made as a Mummy?


Why do I find it so hard to tell you that I didn't breast feed Ellie? Why do I feel a bit of shame (still...10 years later!) Why is that I feel a little like I need to hold my breath and await the onslaught from SOME, not all may I add, Mums. And yet still at the same time I feel nervous to tell you that I DID breastfeed the rest of the monsters. I have a couple of photo's of me breastfeeding Evie and she has her hand on me, so lovingly, its a perfect photo...yet I have never shared it. Scared of the bottle feeding police who will drag me down because I chose to breastfeed! (Note: this photo appears in this post....)

I mean the be vegetarian next door (I don't actually know that my neighbour is veggie just making a point) might not like the fact that I eat meat...but she doesn't make me feel bad about it. Doesn't descend Facebook to pull me down...to rip me to shreds. 

So why do we, as Mums, decide that this is exactly how we are going to react to Mums who do something we don't like, that don't parent the same way we do? That choose, lovingly, to parent a certain way? 

So here I am ready to say I don't care...I don't care what you think, you Mummy haters...you bottle feeding police...you breast feeding bullies. I don't care because so long as my children are happy, are smiley and healthy then you have no place in commenting on my parenting choices. 

With this post I am promising to be proud of the way I parent, of every single choice (read them below) I have ever made, and will ever make. And I want you Mummy's reading this to...


So here they are all the choices I have ever made as Mummy:

Natural Birth vs C-section.

Natural with all 4. I was extremely lucky to have had relatively fuss free pregnancy's and simple (OK really simple and quick) labours. Do I love my monsters more than my friend who chose to have a c-section? No! We both love our monsters to the end of the world....to infinity...and beyond!

Breastfeeding vs Formula.

Both and everything in between! 

Ellie was exclusively bottle fed... 

Jenson was supposed to be bottle fed...he refused it point blank and would not take a bottle, we were able to leave hospital after 7 hours as he had just had the minimum amount of fluid. From the second we left hospital and got in the car he cried, he screamed in hunger and as I sat on our bed 4 hours later and cuddled him to calm him and get the bottle in his mouth he turned and attempted to latch on to me through my thin PJ vest....I whipped out a boob and he latched on and fed for what felt like hours. From then the bottles went in the bin and he was breast fed until around 9 months when he started fussing for me constantly, I was pregnant with Evie and I was tired...man was I tired..so we weaned him onto bottles, with great difficulty!

Evie, breast fed until 10/11 months. again her fussing and waking at night to be fed became too much so we weaned her onto a bottle, a lot easier than we had with Jenson!

This photo was added after I had written the post, infact it has been written and scheduled to go out for over 24 hours, and I sat here and thought, If I dont care why am I not posting that pic? What am I so bothered about? So what you breast fed...

Elsie, I started breast feeding her and all was NOT well! I was sore, she wouldn't latch probably and every feed was painful...every feed would result in bleeding nipples and crying LOTS of crying from myself as well as Elsie. And then one morning, at around 4 weeks(ish) I couldn't do it...I could not physically let her near me...the anticipation of pain was just too much and I begged Dean to go to Tesco and buy a bottle whilst I expressed, which let me tell you was jut as painful that 1 feed had to be thrown out because it was laced in blood and I couldn't bring myself to feed her it. Luckily she took to the bottle straight away so from then on until around 3/4/5 months she had expressed milk and towards the end a mix of formula and breast milk....

 Stay-at-home Mum vs Working Mum.

With Ellie I was a working mum...with Jenson I planned on going back to work after 9 months...then I fell pregnant with Evie and we had a whole lotta thinking to do! We eventually decided I should stay at home, and I love it! 

Do I love Ellie less because I worked? Does she love me any less? Has it had any effect on her what so ever? NO!

Co-sleeping vs Own room.

I have never co-slept. The worry that I might hurt them was too much for me. But as they have gotten older, from Ellie being aged 2.5 - 4...she slept in my bed. And occasionally now if Elsie awakes in the night (she is just under 18 months) she comes in bed with us, I try not to get in a habit with it though and it is generally just every now and again.

Returning to work vs Wanting to stay home longer.

There are days when I get jealous of Dean...at work...talking to adults all day...getting a break from Elsies screeching, a break from Evie's tantrums, a break from Jenson pushing buttons...a break from the tweendom that is Ellie! BUT the majority of the days I adore being a stay at home Mum. I cant imagine my live any other way RIGHT NOW but that could change. Its tough and we struggle getting by on just the 1 wage, I tart thinking about the things we could do if I worked too..maybe in a couple of years when the little ones are all at school.

Infertility treatments vs Natural conception.

Is this really a war?

Really?

I am utterly speechless. Does it matter how a child came to be in a family, so long as it is loved unconditionally by them?

Cry it out vs Never contemplate doing that. 

Cry it out all the way. Do I feel guilty? Ermmm no not really. Do I care if you would never contemplate it? no not really.

Straight vs Gay.

As I said above..does it matter? Like really does it matter? LOVE is what matters.

Large family vs Only child.

We have a large family, we were just as happy as a 1 child family. The only difference? 4 times the cuddles!!



Organic vs Fast food.

I cook a meal (most) nights. But sometimes, when I cant be ar*sed we order a takeaway (duh duh duuuhhhh), or got the chippy. But just because I cook every night doesn't mean it's organic,  its just normal balanced  food. 

Eating separately vs Eating at the table.

Ermm....we eat together but not always at a table. Sometimes we sit and have a table dinner (*read as when its not full of laundry and toys!*) and sometimes we sit in the living room watching the TV and chatting.

Disposable vs Cloth nappies.

EEEEKkkkkk the idea of cloth nappies scares me so I have always used disposable. I did think about it when I was pregnant with Jenson, but then realised I was doing it to make other people happy, and not even people that I knew! I have big love for the Mummy's that use them, maybe I just dont know enough about them but as I say the thought scares me A LOT!

Public school vs Homeschooling.

We choose public school, I think I would possibly go insane home schooling! But we do a lot of learning at home too. Being a nursery nurse I just canny help it!

Feeling great vs Postpartum depression. 

Again...is this really a war? Mums...grown women...argue. about. this. I am just speechless,  I was lucky to feel more than fine after all my monsters. But my sister...she got postnatal depression, and I called out to the Mummy blogging community and send her link after link after link full of help and advice. 

Eating anything vs Eat what is given to them.

In my house you eat what your given! Don' want it? Don't get anything! And if you don't eat your tea you don't get a pudding! But then saying that, I use a bit of common sense, they don't have to clear their plate just eat enough 'good stuff'' to get the 'bad stuff' as a treat!

Strict with TV vs Watch as much as they like.

We watch a lot of TV. I mean it is on from the minute they wake up to the minute they go to bed. But they arent sat in front of it gawping at a screen all day..in fact I end most days wondering why I've bothered having cbeebies on as all they do is run around and make a mess all day! I'm not sure they even really watch it! 

Wowzas! That is a whole lotta competing to do, that is if you choose to partake in these wars! I choose to stay away, I do what I want...you do what you want, on one condition? When I need a bit of help, and a little bit of support you offer it to me, no judgement. Just trust..trust that I know what is best for my monsters, that I am doing the right thing by my monsters. That I am doing all I can to get through this rollercoaster we call Motherhood!

As I wrote this post it reminded me of a clip I saw in a film a couple of months ago, for some reason as I sat and watched I rewound it and recorded it, and have since sat a few times and just watched 43 second minute clip, why? Because, although I know its a film, I think we can learn a lot from the Dads that are helping bring up our babies too. Take a look, what do you think? 

video

One last thing,





Mums' Days

12 comments:

  1. Totally agree with you, parenting is not a competition or is it an excuse to be a bully or judgemental pr*ck, well said!! x

    Gym Bunny Mummy | Bloglovin’ | Facebook

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  2. Spot on! Every single one. I hate hate hate the fact that we can be scared to talk about our parenting - TO OTHER PARENTS! It's crazy that we are all tackling the same hard task yet love taking cheap shots at each other. Someone asked me if I felt sad I had a c-section - I replied with no because Charlie and probably I would have died if I hadn't so no - I can't say I feel upset that I didn't deliver him naturally.
    I hate all the competition. I have done Everything in my power to avoid it this time and stay away from the competing - fools!!

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  3. Great post we don't all have to agree, just repeat each other's choices and not leave our opinions x

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  4. Brilliant post! There's nothing I hate more then a mum who finds it necessary to put another one down for their choices because they aren't the same ones she made, Us mummy's should be standing together and supporting one another x

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  5. Every day is full of choices for everyone, sometimes people will agree and sometimes they won't. As long as those closest to you and those whose opinions matter the most mostly agree then I say stuff the rest of 'em! Clearly it's not that easy but knowing what you stand for and striving for that is all that counts #thelist

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  6. Oh yes I completely agree, its so hard being a parent feeling judged constantly but youve just got to keep doing whats right for you and your kids! good on you!

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  7. Great post huni. I didn't breastfeed, because guess what, I didn't want to, dum dum dum! I have been judged and asked why etc. It is acceptable if you can't BF, but is you chose not to you are deemed some kind of devil mother. Other mothers are our own worst enemies sometimes. Thanks so much for linking up to #TheList xx

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  8. There are so many opinions about how children should be raised and looked after, even the so called professionals change their minds on what is the 'right' thing! Is your child safe, happy and thriving? That's the only thing that matters. #mummymondays

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  9. Totally agree. We should be supporting each other as we are the only ones who know how tough it can all be. #mummymondays

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  10. Really great post, I totally agree, some mums are so quick to tear others down and its really rather sad :(

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  11. Superb post, agree and love it all. I like to skip on by those holier than thou blogposts and just read the gudduns' like this one #TheList

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